I have on occasion shared here my views on the pitfalls of the using the internet as the only way to try and remain abstinent from gambling. But, that does not mean I don't use is as a tool in my recovery. Obviously I blog here. But, I also am a member of several other "posting boards" and e-mail lists on the topic of problem gambling and the recovery from the addiction. When used in conjunction WITH my face to face Gamblers Anonymous meetings it can be a great way to learn at midnight, or at lunch from work. Tonight I share with you a great example of this. I wish to credit Jim A. from Michigan for this bit of knowledge, and he credits those who imparted it to him. Jim A. placed his last bet in 1996. I have never met him, but I hope someday I will. From what I have read of Jim in the past he is very active in his local GA program. This is the good part of the internet. I am able to learn from another member 2000 miles away!
For me, there is never a bad time to revisit and remind myself of the first step towards recovery as a compulsive gambler because from that reminder of powerlessness flows any chance of additional recovery.
Step #1 - I admitted I am powerless over gambling - that my life has become unmanageable.
I 'll let Jim A. take it from here:
There is a part of Step ONE that, in the thousands of therapies, in the hundreds of GA weekly meetings, almost never gets mentioned. And yet, today, more than ever I am convinced that it is key to understanding and -'working' - 'taking' -'practicing' - Step ONE.
What I am referring to, of course, is THE D-A-S-H that is right there in the middle of the Step!
Here are my thoughts about the D-A-S-H from a previous post:
Kindly recall that listening to Warren B.'s story along with writing my answers to the 20 Questions, helped me admit my powerlessness over gambling. That when I AM gambling, my life's screwed up. I have no power to control my gambling, because that "ain't the way I gamble". Attempts at control are only an illusion for me, and lack of power is my problem.
Now let me share, along the way on my journey, how I cleared up some confusion about the rest of Step 1, for me. Are you with me? I hope so. Let's cross the "bridge" together. The DASH. It's right there in Step 1, right in the middle.
A DASH in the English language means "end of one thought, beginning of a new thought". (courtesy to Clancy I. from AA)
The 1st thought (admitting my powerlessness) deals with, When I AM Gambling, the lack of boundaries and unpredictability of where it leads. And then we have the DASH. It looks like this -- have you noticed it before? And it leads into the 2nd thought!
The 2nd thought, which is more challenging in many ways, deals with the other part of my problem, When I Am NOT Gambling. When I stop gambling, in time, the yellow GA Combo Book describes the feeling as "pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization". Some members painfully describe it as losing their "best" friend. Other literature describes the way I am feeling When I Am NOT Gambling as being restless, irritable, discontented.
Further into the Combo book, on page 14, it describes When I Am NOT Gambling (between binges), as periods of nervousness, irritability, frustration, indecision and a continued breakdown in personal relationships ... and not periods of constructive thinking.
And so, of myself, When I Am NOT Gambling, my life's screwed up. Or as the 1st Step reads, our lives had become unmanageable.
Once again, my problem is lack of power. If I could "fix it", bring myself out of this funk on my own, I would have already done so. If just stopping gambling "fixed it", of course, then that would be the final solution. But it isn't, because of myself, the longer I stay stopped, When I Am NOT Gambling, the more "screwed up" (unmanageable) my life becomes. It feels as if there is a giant spring inside me being compressed more and more until one day it's gonna explode. Remaining in "abstinence mode" without getting "into recovery" only makes my life so darn painful that I can't stand it.
Without gambling's illusions to deal with real life situations, and the associated feelings, the real life crap gets so real, so difficult, way too real. Gambling-as-a-solution, my previous way of coping, my escape from reality, with that taken away, now what? So here again, lack of power is my problem. Step 1 means a power is what's missing, whether I AM gambling, or whether I am NOT gambling. The DASH "bridges" my (our) desire to stop gambling (~~~ admitting powerlessness) with the diligent efforts necessary to bring about a character change within myself (themselves) (~~~ admitting life's unmanageability).
Thanks for listening!
enjoy the journey,
Jim A.
I appreciate his vision of this important step. I am not sure I am exactly where he is in the interpretation on all accounts, but I see what he is saying. See another tenet of the program that I have learned (AFTER admitting my powerlessness over gambling!) is to remain Open-Minded. It is clear that Jim A. (and those that helped him get to the point in his recovery he has achieved) that he has examined himself, and his abstinence as it relates to step one. Since he has not placed a bet in many years, I MUST be willing to at least be open to what he has said. Many times I am not completely clear on the meaning of something I hear in a meeting, or read on the internet, but then as if I am being tested, a situation appears before me that applies! That's when I go, AHA!
Beautiful thing this sharing of experience, strength, and hope!
Good night all. OH, my Padres won again! First place all alone now!! So nice that I can enjoy it these days.
John
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