Day 927 - Its Been A Few Days

Evening all,

Just finished watching my San Diego Padres lose one....oh well, they have been playing great ball and even made this one interesting to the last out.

Well, I haven't really journaled much in the last few days. As a recovering compulsive gambler that can also be dangerous. I guess I just haven't had anything to say really, and believe me that is rare! But, I have been thinking about it, and had a couple of reminders of where I am in life today.

First, I got an e-mail from the person in charge of the booklet that will be passed out at our national Gamblers Anonymous to be held here in October. She was wondering whether she could post my "Remembering Day One" post from this blog in the book. She also liked one of my recovery sayings I had posted -- "Change is a process, not an event." I told her to print whatever she thinks may be helpful and went on with my day.

But, I started thinking about her bringing up the saying about change. Later, as often happens, while at a meetings, someone started talking about how now that they had a few months since their last bet, they were working on making some amends. The man spoke about how he had been kind of "white-knuckling" it each day in efforts to stay away from the bet, but is finally ready to take on some things he had not been willing to do prior to this point.

After he spoke, I went next, and changed immediately from what I was going to say to this subject. See, he reminded me that I don't always NOTICE the changes in my life every day, but they are happening. I have shared here on the blog about this before also, but it is no less true for me now.

I am sort of in a "holding pattern" right now. No big changes are on the horizon. I don't have enough money to go anywhere too special, or buy a new car, or anything like that. I don't plan on changing jobs anytime soon. I don't have a new girlfriend in the picture.

I am just sort of "living life". Working, making amends (slowly), working my GA program, and occasionally having a little bit of fun. Not very exciting, but...ok none the less!

Although it can not SEEM like much is changing, every once in a while I notice. I pay off another bill. I speak to someone I hurt in the past and make that amend. I help someone. I smile more than I used to. All small things in and of themselves. But put together...BIG!

So, for now I will keep doing more of the same. As long as I choose not to gamble today, life is automatically better for me.

John